Monday, 20 October 2014


Well as I hav interclub tennis on Saturdays now I had to move my coaching to Tuesday's  and I had no problem with that until the girls I was playing doubles with pretty much grabbed what tiny bit of self confidence I have and shredded it all up. It started with why do you where anklettes they so are last year (well I like my anklettes thanks, and they cover the scars in my ankle too...), then no offense but your hair is like barbie hair, you know cause your fringe is super puffy (it's not!) and the colour and you can't of washed it because it looks like plastic (thanks I washed it last night!), then they started calling me Barbie because apparently my hair looks like it and my hips are sooo big but my legs tiny so I could be Barbie. But wait no I couldn't because I have no boobs, so I was then Barbie with no boobs. And they were calling me that the whole lesson when our coach was watching the game on the other court. And then it was please hit the fricken ball over the net!! (I am trying it is not my fault your serves are seriously amazing and fly past me !! Can't you see me trying!) then you are soo bad at this!(I know I am playing with you, a couple of grades up!!) then why on earth is your gear and shoes pink! Pink is the worst color ever and soo doesn't suit you! Then why are you so shy! Just talk for gods sake! (hi hi have you met me! I have GAD I am super anxious right now! And you are sooo making it worse!!) then your legs are too pale get a tan! (I don't tan, you don't think I have tryed!)
And now I feel terrible . It's like everything I like about me is apparently ugly or too big or too small or 'so not pretty'. And now I just want to curl up in my room and never come out because apparently I am ugly, have to big a hips, my legs are too small, I look like a Barbie doll, have no boobs (well one of them was 12 and she deffantly didn't so they can't say anything! And I had my oversized jumper on the whole time!), my legs are too pale, and I am terrible at tennis (which I am not in MY grade!) and I just feel horrible and the little self confidence I have left is telling me to hide away  and keep my ugly body to myself.

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