Okay I am going to try and keep this nice and short as it is ten o'clock and I have school tomorrow and I feel really down so I don't want to spread too much negativity, but I have a feeling this post will be so feel free not to read it.
Ugghh I feel sick and anxious and sad and stressed all at the same time and it's really hard but I am aiming to not fall asleep crying again or wake up in the middle of the night crying, when I am anxious like now I get sleep terrors which aren't as bad as they sound well for me anyway pretty horrible for my parents who's room is next door... It's when I scream or cry out and wimper or even cry in my sleep because of some memory or nightmare which scares the hell out of me and I will wake up in the middle of the night after one with my pillow soaked and my face streamed with tears and my throat sore from screaming and often my super worried parents beside my bed, but the thing is people who get them including me don't remember what the dream/image that scared them was so its not so bad like I don't know why I am scared or crying and screaming and that scares me but otherwise I am pretty much okay so I can just wipe my eyes and reassure my parents and go back to sleep. I down like them though, like I want to know what is getting to me and making me upset! Really I can't think of anything that has happened to me that is that bad it could be and it scares me because I don't know what it is and what is happening. Ugh anyway expecting one either tonight or in the coming nights.
And I have so much homework I feel sick because I don't thnk I have time to do it all! I have French hw and my speaking test infront of the class on Friday, super nervous because it is the first one I have had to do infront of the class, as the other ones where when my anxiety was really bad s I wasn't at school for two weeks as I just couldn't do it I was throwing up and spending most of my morning in the councilors office or sick bay feeling crap, the next one I had a permit so I didn't have to talk in class like answer questions and the teachers knew not to ask me anything and I could go out when I wanted when my anxiety got bad so I did it in a separate room with just my best friend who was my partner and my teacher who s super nice and understanding about it all, same with the next couple, then next one I was meant to do it but it kind of ended up with me crying outside the classroom and having a anxiety attack so I didn't do it but this time it IS going to happen!! I mean I did my speak so it can't be worse than that, it's just in French not English and I don't know what questions she will ask me so I can't prepare! That's all...
And I have English hw due tomorrow which I haven't done as I soent all afternoon doing my art and English project which is dur in a few weeks, so I will get up at 5 and do it then, and maths and social hw too and it is only the first week back!! And super stressed because my ballet exam is in ten days and then school exams in four weeks and ahhhh!!
Tomorrow in science we are dissecting female and male sex organs of a flower... So that will be intresting??! And so I have to find a suitable flower to take tomorrow morning, it's plain weird!!
And now it's almost 11 so Good night!!
Love you guys and thank you for reading my blog!! :) xoxo
Haha this didn't turn out to be short at all!!
Oh and I have beach volleyball tomorrow but we don't know where or when because the teacher running it is away so nervous about that too!! Have to find out what time!! Can't miss our first game!! And we will get disqualified if we just don't turn up and the other team does so Ahhh!!
Anyway not going to cry, so stressed and anxious it's not funny, so good night!!