Wednesday, 31 December 2014
Happy new years eve!!
This year I spent over two weeks locked away in my room to anxious to come out, I was scared of my family and leaving my 'safe' space, I had noo idea what it was and the doctors said I had a virus and I presumed I was just sick and it would go away soon but it just got worse and worse and eventually I was diagnosed with social anxiety and GAD. I was throwing up every day before school with anxiety and spent first and second period most days with the councilor as I couldnt cope going strait to my classes. I had to see a councilor/ psychologist twice a week to try and get me out of my room and to school. I had run out of health and english when I had to present a powerpoint and explain a long questions answer infront of the class in complete panic and anxiety attack, thankfully I have the most awesome friend and teacher who and just soo amazing and helped me!! And many more bad anxiety and GAD related events which I just dont want to remember. I spent over two weeks in hospital with a kidney infection and not eating and because I was really sick the nurses didnt care I wasnt eating and that was when I reached my lowest weight but because I was soo underweight before I came in as I didnt eat at school or breakfast etc. when i first came in I could barely breathe the gave me a normal dose of morphine for a 14 yr old but I was very underweight as had a massive reaction as I was overdosed on it and it was horrible, I dont remember anything in a time frame of about 2 hours and the stuff I do remember involves bright flashing colours everywhere buzzing and throwing up. And then my dietitian at the hospital got super mad at me at my weight and my anxiety got to me when it came to putting weight on and it when sooo downhill from there and fortisips etc. ahh!!
But enough of the bad stuff this year I have got my anxiety disorder under control and even did a 3 min speech infront of the whole class and got 3/4 excellence on it and one merit which is pretty much full marks which I am still super proud of myself as earlier I had run out of that same class when asked a question!! I reached a healthy weight and got back into baking which I use to be terrified of and enjoy it. And best of all I can leave my room and bus 40 min into town by myself to meet my friend at the mall full of people and have lunch there and eat what I want!!!!!!! and I can bus to school and go to class without my mum having to come in at sit with me with the Councillor and can enjoy class and be good at it too!!! So lots of positives too!! And I hope that 2015 can have even more!! YAY!! I am going to go to bed but I think my brother plans to stay up to see it in but I am soo tired and i like my routine and want to stick with it even though I know I will probably be woken up by the fireworks as we are staying in town where they are going to be lit :( but oh well! :)
I hope you have a great new year full of lots of positive surprises!! good luck!!
Lots of love Livvy