Monday, 17 November 2014

So so tired

Ahh I am seriously panicking for exams it is not funny at all, my friends think its funny how much I am worrying about it and laugh at me, but only if the knew how it felt. None of them have anxiety disorders. In fact most of them are the complete opposite to me, the are always the loud ones I mean super loud, the crazy ones who will gel there long hair strait up just cause they can and walk around school like that and there is over 3000 judging teenages at my school plus over 100 teachers! And yes they have done that... I didn't but they did, haha pretended I didn't know them for a day ;) not I still love them ;) they can ask teachers questions and answer questions in class without freaking out and going bright red and super quiet that the teacher can barely hear you like I do. I go bright red even if a teacher mentions my name, oh my gosh role time is the worst !! Not kidding. I Will go bright red.
So I am super tired from all my extra school work (I re wrote out 4 essays between volleyball and ballet, yep super happy) and the fact I was awake since three last night and couldn't get back to sleep all thanks to my period, man I hate them! I wish I could go back to not having one, that time was so much better, the times when I would not feel sick and get the worst cramps ever and throw up for a week each month. And I have to take so much medication to try and get me to school that week and it is horrible,  hate taking pills and stuff. And the week of exams seriously!!!
So i am filled to the brim with horrilbe anxiety, back to crying before school and begging not to go, but of course I do an d then I feel worse as I am scared my friends will notice my red eyes from crying and ask me what's wrongs and I can't lie, I just can't but at the same time I don't want to tell them because I don't know how they will react and I don't want to be treated any differently. So hmmm, life is tough :( but I am sure it will get better soon :)
Life is a rollercoaster, never easy going and flat, always full of highs and deep deep lows but the track will always head back up again, always.
And to end in a high, we won our last volleyball game of the year! 25-16 yay!!

Hope you are well
Xoxox :)

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