Hiiii :) I hope you are all well!
Today has been a oh so stressful day! But I have a big achievement!!! As I have exams this week (ahhhhhh) I am filled to the to with anxiety and this morning was and am so so so so happy with myself!! Why? Firstly because I didn't throw up this morning as when I have bad days with anxiety that's normally what happens so I am proud of myself fr that and secondly I didn't even cry once before school!!! I am so proud of myself, I know it doesn't seem much but on a normal school day with no exams or tests I always get so nervous that I just break down and cry in my room before school and then of course one of my parents will come and tell me off, telling me I am being stupid and to do my exercises which I hate as it make me feel like there is something wrong with me like I have some mental illness, which I do, but I don't like to think of it as one, its like I am anxious about school my mum or dad will come in and tell me no you are not doing this, you know what to do,do your exercises and walk out and I don't know it just makes me feel horrible and makes it feel all to real I guess? Does that make any sense at all? Probably not. But it does to me haaha. And well anyway as today is a day most 'normal' people would feel a bit nervous and too me it is like a run away and hide day and to get through it without breaking down or crying it feels amazing!! Just have to do it again tomorrow!...
Well today i had my math and science exams, both 1 hour 45min, which isn't long but still, we get in there first thing at 8 and get given our math paper and it is flipping 18 pages long?!! What??! And double sided?! It was so tick that the staple barely went through the pages!! And it was a harder test as I am in the extension class fr math (and English :) ) we got a harder test than all the other yr ten classes (unfair I know!) And it was so hard and no one in our class got anywhere near finishing it! I didn't even get the chance to see what was on the last four pages and even then I was just doing the esay ones skipping the hard ones and I didn't get that far!! So I don't think I did that well on the maths exam... But for science it was super easy, well I though it was!! There were a few things I didn't know but 97% of it I did which was great! All the things I studied for were in it and the things some.f my friends studied for and made me nervous because I didn't weren't in itso that was good! It shocked me when some people came out and said it was so hard and they knew nothing and think they failed!! Because well for me it was super easy!! I hope that is a good thing :)
Tonight at ballet we got told our exam results were put in the mail yesterday so I will receive my mark anytime from now!! Ahhhh!! I don't think I did very well s I am super nervous!! And she gave us a big talk about it is okay if you didn't get a merit or higher a pass is still good, it doesn't matter about your result, it is one persons opinion (a well trained professional one!) someone else migh love you etc etc and so I am super nervous that she said that because one of us did really badly r didn't pass and I am scared that it will be me !! Ahhhh, I am pretty sure I at least passed though :) ahhhh!!