The butterfly project

The Butterfly project

The butterfly project is designed to help people to stop self harming and cutting themselves, and I think it is a really good way/treatment which you can do by yourself and you dont have to tell anyone if they dont know in the first place, it can be a completely individual thing. It is in a form of a game (sort of?) which you can challenge yourself with, which I think is a good idea as it is all you and your will to stop self harming. So here it is....

THE RULES: 

1. when you feel like you want to cut, take a marker or pen and draw a butterfly wherever the self-harm occurs.
2. name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.
3. NO scrubbing the butterfly off.
4. if you cut before the butterfly is gone, it dies. if you don't cut, it lives.
5. another person may draw them on you. these butterflies are extra special. take good care of them.
6. even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways, to show your support.


Even though I dont self harm any more but I use to, and I know how hard it is and it is used for a method of coping but you have to realize in the long run it does more harm than good. I now draw a butterfly on my ankle to show my support, so if you ever want me to name a butterfly after you, please ask I would be happy to, I just want you to recover and have the happiness you deserve!!!!

Stay strong, you can do it
Lots of love
Livvy xoxox

Hard day...

Hey guys how are ya?? Hopefully fantastic!!

Toady has been tough but hey I have survived it! Thats what matters.
We went out for breakfast to a cafe, and I ordered scrambled eggs with toast and it came out with bacon as well so nice sufprise I guess, even though it did make me panic a bit. And it was huge!!! So my parents let me off not finishing something this time, few... But I did eat a good amount and was super full afterwards.
After that as we were in town we went into the museum and B ran around it. On our way in there is a big donation box thingy with a sign saying average donation is $5 per person, which is fair enough as otherwise they wouldnt earn anything to keep it running, but a tourist came up and put in $0.10 in and said thats a pretty good donation foro them, and he was so serious like he wasnt kidding he thought it was a great donation and obviously wasnt familiar with NZ coins and my brother and I just burst out laughing as it was sooo funny just the way he did it and then we got a weird look from him and his tourist group which just made us laugh more!!! haha it was great :)
Then it was back home and babysitting my 2yr old brother and then putting him to sleep while R and my parents were out and then out to tea!!!
For tea I had chicken tenders with steamed veges (yes it was off the kids menu but no one needs to know that :) never too old for the kids menu :)) Which was actually very nice!! I was surprised, and the veges had a butter sauce type thing on it and I am proud to say that didnt put me off and it was oh so yummmy!!

Anyways tomorrow is back to school :( and my timetable is history,science, english, french and then art. But  it isnt too bad as it is my only day in my 2 week timeatble that I dont have maths!!! Yayyy!!! And I have history, science and art too which are my fav subjects! But even though I have a good timetable tomorrow I still feel all sick and shaky about it, I wish I ccould just make it go away!! I try so hard and practice my breathing and relaxation exercises every day but it never seems to leave me alone!!! and I have nooo idea what I am going to take for lunch to that I know I will be able to eat so panic mode!! But thats the normal for me on a sunday night, I guess I should be use to it now.

So thank you to all my lovely readers!!!
Lots of love
Livvy xoxo

Happy Valentines day!!!

Happy Valentines day everyone!!! Today is all about love so make sure you take care of your body and give it some extra love today!!! Maybe you could wash your hair, paint your nails and put on your favorite clothes. Love all your scars as they are just like tattoos but with a little more history, I noticed mine for the first time in ages today, I guess I just forgot they were there and are use to them now but it is almost a year ago today those scars were made on my ankle and one on my arm on the top by my hand (it is funny to think at the time I was 'punishing' myself in a way but at the same time was too scared to do it by my veins incase of injuring myself??!! hmm... I shouldn't of done it in the first place, I cant even image doing anything like that to myself now, which is great!!)
Anyway make sure you love your body today of all days as it is yours and it is perfect just how it is!! xoxox

Today has been freezing!!!!! soooo cold!!! My hands and toes have been white and purple all day as I just havent been able to keep them warm!!! It didnt help that I spent my morning form 8-12;45 outside watching my brother play tennis as I had a bye today (although I wish I was playing not sitting because at least I would be running around and warm then!!) It was okay for most of it wrapped up in my fluffy jumper and my puffer jacket until it started raining of course!! And them my jacket smelt like wet dog and was soaked and not warm at all and there was no shelter at the courts and my Dad had gone home to put B to bed for his sleep so I couldnt sit in the car either!! Typical NZ weather like winter and pouring and freezing in the middle if summer!!

The rest of my day was spent making dark chocolate and pistachio cookies and M&M biscuits (which taste sooooo good!!!) and I will post the recipe tomorrow as it is getting late now!! And making a tree out of wire all by hand for my sculpture for my internal due in 2 weeks which looks really good but took me over an hour to do pretty much two to do so I am glad I got that done, I just need to paper mache it and then paint it and glue little individual leaves onto it, and ta da tree complete!! So far I am happy with how it is looking and my 'dirt' looks very realistic and so do my floor boards (popiscal sticks covered in beetle goop aka wood varnish which is make out of beetle goop and smells soo bad and stained my nail yellow :) haha) but it looks good so hopefully I can get some excellence credits for it!!

Lately  as you already know my anxiety has started to get worse again, which I am hoping wont last much longer, but today my anxiety abotu food has started to get bad again and I found i struggled eating today quite a bit so not very happy about that and becausee of that my IBS has been bad today so my stomach hurts soo bad too, which has not helped.
Tomorrow my parents decied we are going to go out for breakfast... Super nervous and the place we are going to have suupre big meals so I know I am gong to struggle, yay fun. I am soo anxious.
It is also my Poppa's (Grandads in case you havent come across Poppa before :)) birthday tomorrow 78!! So happy birthday to him!! Love you xoxo!! And to celebrate that we are going out to tea as well... and then home for cake so tomorrow is going to be hard. Very hard. But I will cope, hopefully... No I am sure I can do it!! And on the note of birthdays mine is in 14 days!! Ahhh!!

One of my friends is in hospital at the moment as she had a appendicitis and had surgery to remove her apendix yesterday so I wish her all the best and a super speedy recovery!! We want you back at school and all well again as soon as possible!! And I know very well what it is like to be in hospital and the food there and it is not very nice, so I feel reaalllyy sorry for her so get better soon!!!! I still cant believe when I was in hospital and they served me fish with meat gravy!!!! ewww!!But at that point I was very sick with my kidney and was still getting over the morphine they gave me too much of and turns out I am allergic too so I didint have to eat it thankfully!!

Anyway I hope you had a great Valentines day full of love!!!
Hope you are all well!!
Lots of love
Livvy xxoxxoo :)

Hello allll!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey guys I hope you are all coping very well!!!

Today I think I will just write a quick update!
Yesterday I had my first ballet lesson again for this year! Grade 8, the last grade!!! I have noo idea what I am going to do after I finish half way through this year (thats if I pass my exam :)) I mean I have been doing it for 10 years now so it will seem super weird not doing it!!! Anyway I really enjoyed it and it was great to get into it again, even though I lost a lot of my felxabiblty over the holidays as I didnt do very much strechting, which is fine every body needs a break for time to time! Its not that bad but I cant get down on my bad leg splits any more ooppps :)
School has been sooo stressful!! Yr 11 is soo full on right from  the word go. I know it is because it is 'the year that actually counts for something' with exams ahh!! And I am in all of the extention classes (math, english and science) so we do even more work than what the normal class would and we do level 2 as well as level 1 which is sat at my year. So it is hard, and I have a tonne of homework each night but I have study periods as well so I am handling it okay. Which I have first tomorrow, and I finished all my work tonight as I didnt realize so I have an hour of sitting in silence tomorrow haha!!
  But I am really stressed so my appitiate has gone down to pretty much nothing so it has been hard to eat enough lately especially at lunch at school, I am thinking I might take one of my supplements to school again as otherwise I feel I am eating pretty much nothing at school even though I dont want to but I think I should because all I manage to eat at school is fruit and a few crackers which isnt enough even though I eat extra at home.
Art I feel is the worst at the moment which is weird as it use to be my favourite. It is soo full on and we have 2 weeks to make a detailed sucpture which I am panicking about, and so much paper work too, so they kinda took the fun out of it...

I have been struggling with school lunch at the moment so if any one has any good ideas which I can take to eat please comment!! As we take packed lunch from home.
I would also like to thank all my readers for reading my blog as it means the world to me!! Thank you soo much, it makes my day seeing that you have read it and sometimes left a comment or even better a email which excites me soo much and makes me super happy!! So thank you all soo much!!

Lots of love

                                                                       Livvy xoxo :)

I hope you are all well!! You can do it!!

Happy Waitangi day!!

Hi guys I know it is a day late but Happy Waitangi day!!
Waitangi day is our national public holiday as it was the day the europeans and the Maori signed the treaty of Waitangi for peace and land deals etc. and it was signed in Waitangi :)

Waitangi day - the anniversary of the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, celebrated as a public holiday in New Zealand on 6 February since 1960

Although we didnt do anything special it was still a awesome day (with no school:)) And we spent the day as a family which was super nice!!

So Happy Waitangi day!! Andlots of love 
Livvy xoxo

Stress

First day of school ...

Hellooo all!! I hope you are doing fantastically well!!
Today I had my first day of yr11 !! And let's just say my stress and anxiety levels are through the roof right now.. Not fun. It started off okay but then I had no one I knew in any of my classes except two but one has a seating plan and one the person I know has a group she is already in so I have been pretty much sitting by myself surrounded by people I have never met and don't really talk, or the have friends next to them. So yay... And then all the work is really hard, as I made the extension class for science, math and English and because of that I know I am capable of that class but when surrounded by people who are all very smart it just makes me feel really dumb, but I know that's not the case as I was top of class in science and got good grades in math and English so in a normal class I would be at the top but I now feel at the bottom of the top if that makes sense... :)
So who gives out homework on the first day?? My English, French, art and science teachers do!! Haha yay!! More stress!!  Not fair! hahah!!! :D
For art this year we make up a folio with all of out paintings in it for 6 credits (Ahhh) and we gt told today we have to think of a theme for the whole thing as we are starting our sculptures tomorrow!! So me in full panick mode and can't think strait and with all my hw and anxiety end up completely just breaking down :( but I managed to pull myself together after about an hour of sitting at my computer trying to find something I could use as m theme mostly crying as it wouldn't work and more panicking but I get there adventually :) so at first I thought of doing a underwater/fish theme but I am pretty sure that would be waayyy to hard as I have never painted water or waves to look realistic  and throw in some fish I don't think it would work and I would get bored of fish after about 25 paintings which we have t do.
Soooo my theme is dun dun sun... Plants! Haha seems like the boringest theme ever but I can do bugs and butterflies, birds, flowers, trees, logs, bushes, shrubs, jungles, forests trees etc that way so hopefully I won't get bored of it as there is a big variety of things rather than 25 pics of fish XD we saw some of last years and there was one with 30 paintings of motorbikes! Haha that would get boring fast painting the same thing over and over for a whole year! But you never know he might of loved motorbikes :)
But I am worried as one day and I am already super anxious and stressed out, so I don't know what I will be like at the end of the week and walking wreak probably XD haha!

But anyway that wasn't so interesting was it.. Sorry, well done if you got to the end :)
Hope you are well lots of love
Livvy xoxox