The cultural festival

The cultural festival was really cool R did really well, as he lead the haka! There were loads of really talented kids,lots of maori culture, Halas and stuff and then there were irish dancers and Indian dance and lots more! I really enjoyed it, there was one bit that almost made me cry though when sumner school did a tribute to two girls that had been killed and said they are doing it for them. I don't know what happened to the girls but I though I'd say I'm sorry to the girls and their families and friends xoxo. I know this kind of will seem bad and very ED of me but most people there made me feel really good about my body as there were some pretty big kids preforming without tops on, the boys that is and the girls wearing tight tops who really shouldn't etc. so that made me feel good! Although there were quite a few way to skinny and tinny little kids about 5-6 but I am sure I was like that to at 5!! But yeah a really good night and I wish. Could go again but it is Rs last yr at primary  and I am already at high school so I won't be able to go again until B grows up but that's still 10 yrs away before he can do it!!

Goodnight! :) xoxo, I will always be here for you, remember that.

Jumbled emotions

I have no idea how I feel right now. I feel very sad and upset because our fill in ballet teacher kept telling my exam group of four to shut up and stop talking and yelled at all of us even though I am so quiet at ballet and well at school classes too, I literally don't say a single word, I'm too scared. And I defiantly wasn't talking! And I always feel when some one yells and me or is angry or upset with me it just gets too much and I tend to break down a little inside. I also feel happy as well, I got to dance! And I am curled up with Byron purring away next to me. I feel lonely as I always seem to be the one left out at breaks in our group or excluded. I feel annoyed because my friend blew me off and my friends at morning tea were discussing their weight and that made me feel like crap 'oh my sister only weights 45kg and she's almost 17 and really tall' 'my sister has as modeling job because her body is perfect' 'my weight is perfectly on the 50th percentile, I'm a great weight' well thanks these comments eat me up inside, I know I am not recovered because I hate these comments they make me want to lose weight again and now writing them down have made me cry again, why?! If only they knew then they wouldn't discuss it. Well I weigh 46 so I am heavier than your 17 yr old sister who I have met and is way taller than me! Thanks way to make me feel good about my weight and knowing I have to put on more! Sometimes I feel like my GP is making me put on too much weight, trying to make me fat. I am stressed because of all my school work and homework and assessments due. I feel anxious because I have to got to school tomorrow and school is what gives me my anxiety and panic attacks. I feel nervous because I have to present our myths and ledgens project to the class tomorrow. I feel worried because I don't know who marked my assessment as if they were nice, what if they hate me for some reason and marked me low or what if my project was just bad? And I feel confused because I don't know how I feel or how I  should be feeling!

Help??

Sorry my all that I just wanted to get all those thoughts out of my head. I think I should of just left them there because now I am even more confused and am crying now. Why me? Anyway sorry.

Have a good night. Love you guys, knowing that people actually read my blog regularly and like it is sometimes is enough to keep me going and lifts my spirits, thanks :)
Hope everything is okay, love you. Xoxo :)