Back to normal...

Yay back home again! We had tea at our grans which was roast chicken with veges then a apple and pear crumble for dessert! Yum! I am also happy to say that I have only put on .5kg over these five days yay! Tomorrow I am back to school.. Starting to freak out already... Bad thing I know but I do have an anxiety disorder so I suppose I should of seen all the nausea and nerves coming... I hate it so much and it is so hard to overcome! Its like I recover then fall back into GADs hands again and again. It is hard to over come it, it's a constant struggle. And I hate it I wish I never had anxiety ever! Can't I be normal??! Please for once!?!
If only.

And tomorrow I will have lots of school work to catch up on sigh.. I hate being behind, but I think I am getting use to it now. I miss school when my anxiety gets the better of me or when I feel so depressed I can't do anything or constantrate so there is no point or because I am sick. I get sick soo often it is not funny, I know it is because of my ED I don't eat enough therefore my immune system is very weak along with the rest if me, it's like I have a never ending cold, mixed in with kidney infections etc. along the way.

But tomorrow I will post all my pictures and update my Melbourne posts and add pics to them as well, so something to look forward to, I hope... Let me know :)

Love you guys so much, I feel I get so much support just by so many people reading my blog, thanks :) and I hope you are doing well and recovering super amazingly! ;) I believe in you!! ;D

Sooo...

So I decided not to go to school today either partially because I still feel like throwing up but I think it is just because of anxiety and because my weight is now only 42.5 kg and I feel really dizzy everytime I stand/sit up so I don't think I will do too well at school. Oh well I might go later on today and I will defiantly will be going tomorrow, that is my goal even if I feel like crap I am going to school tomorrow. I am worried that I will have to do my speech tomorrow which evolves standing in front of the class for four minutes while I talk and I am scared that I will pass out or be sick as I am soo weak at the moment and my anxiety is really bad at the moment. So yeah.... I am thinking about for the pizza lunch just saying that I am celica, which I am not I am just intolerant to gluten but eating gluten does make me feel really ill so that might be my excuse not to eat anything. As I am sure they won't buy any gf pizzas! So I think that is what I will do and just eat my normal lunch instead.

Anyway school tomorrow, school tomorrow, school tomorrow !! I will go, I will go I will go!!! I can do it, I will do it.

I am also worried that I will be really far behind on school work as I missed two days this week and will miss three days next week as I will be in Australia, yay I need a break and just leave all my anxiety and eating problems behind.... Hopefully, no I will. Positive thing!!

I still have really bad pains in my stomach but I am trying to ignore them.

Anyway have an awesome day!!!

Feeling little better :)

Hi, I just want to apologies for the last posts being so negative and horrible and I have a feeling there will be more to coming so very sorry in advance :) I am feeling a little better but still feel sick and my stomach is still really sore so I don't think I will be at school tomorrow either :( I hate missing school so so much but honestly I can't help it. Today I didn't really eat anything either and my weight is currently 43.5 :( I lost three kg so peeved oh well. My bmi is now 16.6 which is still really below average, average is 18.5 and for my height I found out to have a healthy bmi of 18.5 I only have to weight 48 kg not 50-52 what is my GP wanting for me an extra 4kg !! Really!?!

On Friday pretty damn sure I will be at school on Friday we have a class pizza lunch yay... :( our prefects are getting us half a pizza each!! I don't think I have ever eaten half a pizza and some guys and girls are paying double to get a whole pizza each!! What! I don't want to go. I know I will be that one girl that can't even manage to eat one-two slices yet alone five slices that make up a half!!and everyone will be there watching us eat and I will be the one trying to hide slices in my bag without anyone noticing so it looks like I ate something... And it's the kind of thing that you can't just not go, everyone in my class plus teacher and two prefects will be there, that's 35 people watching me eat, well and others too... But yeah. Normally at lunch I just keep my lunch box in my bag and eat slowly so it looks like I ate all of my lunch, which I don't. I feel really Worried about eating with my friends around yet alone my whole class. As I know I eat the least. A couple of my friends eat so much and so often there lunch boxes are overflowing as it is a very common site to see them sneaking food in every period, like a cupcake first period, a apple second, a packet of chips third, a sandwich forth etc etc. plus morning tea and lunch!!! And they seem soo skinny, well to me anyway. Oh well they are just being healthy something I need to learn :)

Anyway have an awesome night. Good night dont let the bed bugs bite!! Xoxo