School..

Normal school day again. I did my screen print in textiles today so that was cool, I will post a pic when the computer is free, it is a dark pink colour thought, I wanted it to be either black red or maybe green bu the 'popular group wanted pink so that's what we got because we could only do one colour with the screen because it takes too long to wash and dry to change colours. But I think mine looks really good! I am going to try and cut out another pattern at home so I can do another one on Mon as you can only use your pattern once becaus it is made out of paper and it goes soggy.

On the bus on the way home these also 'popular' bratty girls who are a year younger than me, their first yr of high school decided to bus home as well. I knew them from my old school and they are so bitchy! They are the type who just annoy the hell out of you are do that high pitched fake laugh and scream a lot! Ugghh. And all the way you could here them talking like you know like this like totally all the like time! And they were saying oh that's get of at the mall and go to our old school and show off that we are so cool and at high school and yeah, oh that's go into subway and get free drinks with our cando cards because I forgot my money (haha good luck you can only get free drinks if you buy a six inch sub and cookie with your cando card!) And all the way hom they pressed the flipping button at every stop! Even though they weren't getting off, so we had to stop at every stop! Grrr. And they were going on about how bussing is so gross and everyone should feel sorry for them having to take the bus and they d it everyday. Hello, I take the bus to and from school everyday and this is the first time ever you had bussed! Wow they annoy me!!!

Well I am home now eating my carrot with probably three times the normal amount of hummus with it... Oh well hummus is amazing!! If you haven't tried Lisa's original lemon and garlic hummus, you havent lived!! It is so good and you would understand me eating half the tub!! Haha and my fanta zero. My parents have this thing where all fizzy drinks must be sugar and caffeine free! Did you know you can buy sugar free caffeine free diet coke?! And sugar free fanta, LP (the best NZ drink!) and lift?! It's so weird! Oh well healthy I guess?!

Tonight I am going to the cultural festival to watch my brother preform, he is leading the schools haka, so that's pretty cool, when I was yr 8 we didn't do kapa haka at the festival but I did do Korean dance (which was fun because it was like ballet but you flexed your feet not pointed and didn't have to turn your feet out and you got to use fans and these sleeves things!) being in the festival is a big honor as not very many people get invited and if they did it was only for one performance not all four, which I got to do! It was great because when we did one of the two matinees and yes is was the one with our prime minister watching our music stopped and we just kept dancing with our music going da da da da da da over and over and over, it was so funny and well very scary at the time thankfully the presenters helped us out! But it don't happen in the other three performances so that's good! And the best thing was doing danc eat our old school was considered weird and you had to do it at lunches so it was only my 6 best friends doing it to! And we missed out of school!! Haha yay (sorry flash back..)
So that will be cool tonight! Can't wait (and to see my brother in a grass skirt!! Haha!!). For now time to finish my hummus, ran out if carrot... And do my science homework and work on my design for textiles!!

Have a good afternoon!! Hope the day went well!

After ballet...

Well during ballet we had to do crossed mountain climbers (just google if you don't know what they are I have no idea how to explain them...) and I clicked my hip and I must of pinched a nerve because it really hurt and the top of my thigh has gone completely numb and I can't feel anything there now and it is still like that now about three hours after I have done it. I told my mum but she doesn't think anything of it, so I am trying my best not to go into anxiety mode about it. It's hard, honestly I feel like panicking right now but I'm not going to. Apart from that ballet was fun as normal! Just now I have a numb leg and it feels so weird talk on! Haha...

Anyway have a nice peaceful sleep!! I'm sure I will fall strait asleep but first I need to eat some olives :) yum I love olives so much!! Goodnight xoxo :)

Byron

I love my cat so much!! He is so adorable and cute and really always lifts my moods, Do you find your animals make you happy??
I was just doing my very boring and hard maths homework and he come and sits right on top of me and my text books!! Thanks!! But I have been going for almost an hour now so I suppose it is time for a short break!! Haha...

Naww...

 And make a smudge on my camera...

Now many of you have pets and what kind??

And now back to maths...

Long day..

Well another normal day at school today. My textiles teacher just will not give up! She really wants me to do textiles next year!! Today she marked my work and for the second time she has written, very good work do textiles next year! :) and yes she puts a smiley face!! And today as well she came up and gave me her very first endevner sicker (these weird things that we get and if you collect a certain amount you get awards/badges etc) Not that any yr10s really cares about them, only the teachers of the lower classes give them out to encourage the students to work!! Like my teachers only give them out on a very low occasion (because I am in the extension class!!) But honestly I don't really care about a badge!! Now time to do my maths homework! I feel I have to do it because most times he doesn't check it but I am sure the one time I don't do it he will check it so yeah... Wish me luck... Only three pages to go...

 pyramids..

 stimulationeous equations...

 And I have know idea what this is...

Of to ballet later too, yay!! But we have to go on point today so thats going to hurt... A lot...

They look pretty but hurt so much..

And this is what I have to fit my foot into, not kidding :(

 And on with no toe caps because otherwise they don't fit and I have no tape left to tape my feet so it will hurt even more, my toes are squished!! Well at least when they are smaller your feet go numb quicker!! (and my foot isn't that turned in and sickled its just the pic, if that was how I really pointed my foot I would NOT be on point at all or in grade 7!!)

Have a good afternoon!! xoxo :D

Good night guys

Have a good night and remember tomorrow is a new day a fresh start a chance to do the right thing!

Fish was really nice and I also had a carrot, hummus and ten black olives (yeah I thinking went overboard with the olives...) for my snack after tea along with my new ginger kiss tea, it's really nice doesn't really taste like ginger kisses but nice a ll the same. I think I ate too much because now I just fell sick and have a giant headache, and I have no cramps at the moment but it's like its crisped all day and now it just aches and feels strained :( the ups of being a girl...

So good night hope you are well. I will always be here for you and I love you very much
Have a good night :)

...

Today has not been a great day. I have had the worst cramps in the world all day, I woke up at 4am with them and couldn't get back to sleep so I'm tired too, they were okay by second period but came back at fifth and I still have them now :( Ugghh the ones that are so painful you feel the pain round your back and down you legs and feel sick :( that's me every month. They got so bad that I have had to start taking birth control tablets every month, not that I'm planning to have s*x anytime soon!! I really don't think they make a difference though but apparently they take three months to start working so only one more month to go! Hopefully they do work because it hurts soo much! :(

After school my mum took us for hair cuts, not that I want to cut my hair any shorter so I just got it trimmed and my fringe cut. My two brothers got there's done too, I love watching R have his den because it's always long when we go so when they use the buzzy thing to trim the sides he always gets a bowl cut for about two minutes and it's hairlious! But they then trim the top and it looks fine again! Haha it's great though...

My parents are toughing up on my fortisips they have relised I haven't been having them so now they are super strict in them. I hate them so much though, they taste disgusting and make me gag and because they are so high in calories, protein and heaps of other stuff they always make me feel sick and dizzy and give me headaches after, but apparently that's normal for people who don't eat enough. :(

Anyway we are having fish for tea, yay!! I love fish so much (that doesn't mean you have to like fish as well or eat it, it's your choice, your body!) we buy it from this special place and they put it in an oven bag with your choice of sauce, we normally have Thai sweet chilli but they didn't have that one today so mum got a coconut and spices one and that sounds really nice too, so can't wait to try it!

Now eating my yummy snack before tea, about ten M 'n' M's! Haha,  I love chocolate!! The new raspberry m'n'm's have come out as well and I can't wait to try them too oh and the vanilla milkshake ones! Haha we always get the new flavours in NZ way after them come out over seas, in Australia they have pretzel ones and they are really nice but I haven't been able to find them in NZ, I know they already had the raspberry ones out in Australia at the end of last year when we went but they have only come in NZ now!! Haha oh well...

Yay time for fish and rice, and veges of course!! Yum, it smells really good!!

Have a nice dinner too, or whatever meal you are having now where ever in the world you are! Stay calm and just try to enjoy it, it will he okay! And if it is really greasy or full of butter etc. hey one meal won't make any difference to your weight so Who Cares?! Enjoy it, it will taste great!! Unlessn it is a fortisip... In that case I feel your pain!! Have a good time :)

Jumbled emotions

I have no idea how I feel right now. I feel very sad and upset because our fill in ballet teacher kept telling my exam group of four to shut up and stop talking and yelled at all of us even though I am so quiet at ballet and well at school classes too, I literally don't say a single word, I'm too scared. And I defiantly wasn't talking! And I always feel when some one yells and me or is angry or upset with me it just gets too much and I tend to break down a little inside. I also feel happy as well, I got to dance! And I am curled up with Byron purring away next to me. I feel lonely as I always seem to be the one left out at breaks in our group or excluded. I feel annoyed because my friend blew me off and my friends at morning tea were discussing their weight and that made me feel like crap 'oh my sister only weights 45kg and she's almost 17 and really tall' 'my sister has as modeling job because her body is perfect' 'my weight is perfectly on the 50th percentile, I'm a great weight' well thanks these comments eat me up inside, I know I am not recovered because I hate these comments they make me want to lose weight again and now writing them down have made me cry again, why?! If only they knew then they wouldn't discuss it. Well I weigh 46 so I am heavier than your 17 yr old sister who I have met and is way taller than me! Thanks way to make me feel good about my weight and knowing I have to put on more! Sometimes I feel like my GP is making me put on too much weight, trying to make me fat. I am stressed because of all my school work and homework and assessments due. I feel anxious because I have to got to school tomorrow and school is what gives me my anxiety and panic attacks. I feel nervous because I have to present our myths and ledgens project to the class tomorrow. I feel worried because I don't know who marked my assessment as if they were nice, what if they hate me for some reason and marked me low or what if my project was just bad? And I feel confused because I don't know how I feel or how I  should be feeling!

Help??

Sorry my all that I just wanted to get all those thoughts out of my head. I think I should of just left them there because now I am even more confused and am crying now. Why me? Anyway sorry.

Have a good night. Love you guys, knowing that people actually read my blog regularly and like it is sometimes is enough to keep me going and lifts my spirits, thanks :)
Hope everything is okay, love you. Xoxo :)